Friendship Busters and Boosters by Marla Paul

You may have read my book review for The Friendship Crisis.  Below is a synopsis of the behaviors that will break down or build up a friendship from that same book.  All of these work in reverse, so if a friend is exhibiting these behaviors have a heart to heart to try to get at the root, and come up with a compromise.

Busters:
1.)  Serial Cancelling:  If you cancel frequently you can bet you'll be taken off the invite list.
2.)  Expecting an Apple to be an Orange:  When you expect more from a friend than she is capable of giving, you will end up hurting yourself and alienating the friend.
3.) Jealousy:  If you cannot celebrate your friends, but instead compare their accomplishments to your own shortcomings in life, the friendship will turn sour.  However, if you are certain a friend is being insensitive simply address that.  Try to find a middle ground where she can still talk about her achievements without making you feel like a failure.

Boosters:
1.)  Pay Attention:  Be aware of the significant events of a friend's life, and check in.
2.)  Keep in touch, but don't keep tabs.  A friendship thrives on the little details of life, don't worry about whose turn it is to call.
3.)  Make plans:  Find a way to squeeze in seeing your friends, make a plan, and don't break it!
4.)  Cheer the victories:  Find ways to celebrate your friend's life.
5.)  Rain Compliments:  Compliment your friend sincerely and regularly.
6.)  Be there for the happy and the sad:  It's smooth sailing in fair weather, but the real glue that binds is offering emotional support to a friend through a crisis.  Often just being there will do.
7.)  Remember Birthdays:  A simple card or call is enough.
8.)  If something is really important to you, say so.
9.)  Give "no special reason" Gifts:  It is a reminder that you think about your friend.  Make sure the gift is thoughtful.
10.)  Return Calls and Emails Promptly:  Not hard to do, but we are all guilty of neglect sometimes.  If you've ever been on the not-receiving end of an un-returned call or email you know how you can worry and think maybe it was something you did or didn't do.
11.)  Make Peace with Imperfection:  Accept your friend's faults and work around them.
12.)  Roll up your Sleeves:  In a crisis don't just offer help, see a need and do something.
13.)  Practice Artful Listening:  Listen, don't offer advice.  Often a friend just needs to vent, or know that someone else has been there.  Comment with a "yeah, it's hard," or "I understand."

While it's never too late to be the friend you'd like to be, sometimes it is too late to save a friendship.  If there are too many past hurts, or one really big one that one of you can't move past, it may be time to let go.  But is is always worthwhile to talk to a friend before you decide to sever ties.  Sometimes you can salvage a little something that wasn't the friendship the two of you once had, but is a new friendship that works for both of you.  Friendship is a two way street.  There is no room for score keeping.