"Nobody said it was going to be easy, at least nobody said it to me." -The Big Chill, 1984
Hoo Boy! I thought day to day living for myself was stressful. Now I have this little being who relies on me for everything. She can't talk, so I have no idea what's going on with her. And she's so little, problems that would be little stuff to a grown-up are a big deal. It's a constant worry rollercoaster. What if she smothers in her sleep? What if we get in a car accident? What if I drop her? What if she accidentally bangs her head against the wall? What if her formula is toxic? What if our carpeting is toxic? What if the fluoride in the water is rotting her enamel or causing thyroid issues? What if she finds tiny things to put into her mouth and chokes on them? Did that sick person just touch her, kiss her, sneeze or cough in her general direction? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
I've lived with depression and anxiety for decades now, since puberty really. And I know I considered the extra stress of having a baby at several points in my life. But I just didn't think it would be this stressful. I've been a caregiver my whole life. I've never worried so much about the survival of any of my charges until it was my own. All those big bad scary thoughts that made me afraid to live are making it hard for me to live and let my baby live in this big bad world.
My husband thinks I over react a lot. He just doesn't think it's that horrible of a world that I need to protect her so much. But my protective mode is in over-drive. And it's only going to get worse as she gets older and gets out into the world herself and eventually on her own. I can't overlook one single danger. He's worried I'm turning into an agoraphobe, but really it's just hard on me and the baby physically to leave the house. And we don't really have money to go do things-even for me to just drive into the city regularly to see friends and family. And when I do she doesn't eat or sleep well and it is stressful for her, and then me.
And it is getting worse. The high blood pressure spikes my anxiety and my supplements aren't doing enough. But the prescriptions weren't either, and at least supplements don't have terrible side effects. They are just expensive. And it only gets more expensive the more I take to try to be comfortable with life. I know I do better when I get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, spend time with other adults. But all of these things are hard to do when you have an infant.
Showing posts with label Hormones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hormones. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Who Loves The Sun?
A phenomenon occurred during my pregnancy. I could no longer tolerate sunshine on my skin. It felt like my skin was on fire and my skin would stay flushed for hours following exposure, even from just a few minutes. I used to call it devil face it would get so red. In addition to that if I had to do anything while in the sun it would immediately make me short of breath and fatigued. Even on the coldest winter days I would have to shield my face.
Now 6 months postpartum I no longer feel like my face is on fire, but I also don't want to be in the sun. I still get flushed and overheated. For this reason, I don't like being outside unless it is overcast, I now look forward to rainy days, and I can't wait for fall/winter.
But it's not just me, my baby can't tolerate the heat either. And she is just now the recommended age for using sunscreen. But when she's in the heat she gets hot, sweaty, flushed, uncomfortable, over-tired, and fussy.
This really sucks because I spent all those months being house bound from pregnancy and now I am still from the sun and heat. I know it would be good for both of us to get out of the house more, but we can't. I can't imagine what people do (or did) without air conditioning. I am desperate to move to a more hospitable climate. England sounds really good to me.
Now 6 months postpartum I no longer feel like my face is on fire, but I also don't want to be in the sun. I still get flushed and overheated. For this reason, I don't like being outside unless it is overcast, I now look forward to rainy days, and I can't wait for fall/winter.
But it's not just me, my baby can't tolerate the heat either. And she is just now the recommended age for using sunscreen. But when she's in the heat she gets hot, sweaty, flushed, uncomfortable, over-tired, and fussy.
This really sucks because I spent all those months being house bound from pregnancy and now I am still from the sun and heat. I know it would be good for both of us to get out of the house more, but we can't. I can't imagine what people do (or did) without air conditioning. I am desperate to move to a more hospitable climate. England sounds really good to me.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
How long before my wedding ring fits again? And other marriage musings.
5 months postpartum and my ring still doesn't fit.
I know when I was this weight during my pregnancy I still had my ring on, so why won't it fit now? Simple answer, My body has changed. Read Gary Taubes book Why We Get Fat and you'll understand how our hormones, largely determined by our genetic makeup determines where on our body we store fat. It's the reason why some of us are Apples and others are Pears. But pregnancy is a whole new can of hormones and maybe we gain weight in new places now, oh joy. More on that topic another time.
My wedding ring means something to me. It is a connection to my commitment to my husband and a large symbol to the world that I am married. It is the only symbol I bought into in regards to getting married. That, and a hotel room for our wedding night.
If you haven't yet figured out that a new baby puts a huge strain on your relationship, you probably will soon. Pregnancy kicked my husband out of our bed and he has yet to return, sleep is too precious a commodity for both of us. And why not have separate beds? According to sleep studies 25 percent of all couples (in the study) slept in separate bedrooms for better sleep. Although I did recently read another study that suggests men sleep better with a partner. But, what about the partner?
Probably the biggest issue with a new baby is how to take care of/raise the baby. Luckily my husband and I don't really have a problem with this. He's concerned that I'll be too protective and I'm concerned he won't be protective enough so it balances out. That, and as he puts it "I'm letting you drive on this one." So if it's a question on what to do, I get to answer. And a few of the many books I've read about parenting suggest to choose which one of you will be the caregiver and always defer to that person. This saves a lot of arguing.
But I've seen other new parents, who never really talked it out, go to battles about every little detail. Or worse, they silently seethe (I'm guilty of this one). This can destroy a family. All that hostility spills out into every aspect of life. And before too long the love is gone. So many people who get married for love neglect to consider how good of a parent their future spouse may be, or if their parenting styles are similar. First and foremost to know prior to marriage is if your spouse even wants (seriously) children.
My husband and I got married to have children. We talked about it at great length what kind of parents we would be, how many we might want, how we would handle certain situations, but of course now we make it up as we go along. Most of the time it works, except when it doesn't. My biggest complaint is that I wish he would take a more active role in caring for our child, rather than being asked. His biggest complaint is that I need to ask for what I want him to do and not just get upset with him when he doesn't do it. It can be very frustrating.
Our baby comes first for both of us, but we are Partners. So when will the symbol of my partnership, my ring, fit? I can't wait, and that impatience reminds me of how much I love my husband.
I know when I was this weight during my pregnancy I still had my ring on, so why won't it fit now? Simple answer, My body has changed. Read Gary Taubes book Why We Get Fat and you'll understand how our hormones, largely determined by our genetic makeup determines where on our body we store fat. It's the reason why some of us are Apples and others are Pears. But pregnancy is a whole new can of hormones and maybe we gain weight in new places now, oh joy. More on that topic another time.
My wedding ring means something to me. It is a connection to my commitment to my husband and a large symbol to the world that I am married. It is the only symbol I bought into in regards to getting married. That, and a hotel room for our wedding night.
If you haven't yet figured out that a new baby puts a huge strain on your relationship, you probably will soon. Pregnancy kicked my husband out of our bed and he has yet to return, sleep is too precious a commodity for both of us. And why not have separate beds? According to sleep studies 25 percent of all couples (in the study) slept in separate bedrooms for better sleep. Although I did recently read another study that suggests men sleep better with a partner. But, what about the partner?
Probably the biggest issue with a new baby is how to take care of/raise the baby. Luckily my husband and I don't really have a problem with this. He's concerned that I'll be too protective and I'm concerned he won't be protective enough so it balances out. That, and as he puts it "I'm letting you drive on this one." So if it's a question on what to do, I get to answer. And a few of the many books I've read about parenting suggest to choose which one of you will be the caregiver and always defer to that person. This saves a lot of arguing.
But I've seen other new parents, who never really talked it out, go to battles about every little detail. Or worse, they silently seethe (I'm guilty of this one). This can destroy a family. All that hostility spills out into every aspect of life. And before too long the love is gone. So many people who get married for love neglect to consider how good of a parent their future spouse may be, or if their parenting styles are similar. First and foremost to know prior to marriage is if your spouse even wants (seriously) children.
My husband and I got married to have children. We talked about it at great length what kind of parents we would be, how many we might want, how we would handle certain situations, but of course now we make it up as we go along. Most of the time it works, except when it doesn't. My biggest complaint is that I wish he would take a more active role in caring for our child, rather than being asked. His biggest complaint is that I need to ask for what I want him to do and not just get upset with him when he doesn't do it. It can be very frustrating.
Our baby comes first for both of us, but we are Partners. So when will the symbol of my partnership, my ring, fit? I can't wait, and that impatience reminds me of how much I love my husband.
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