When I had a newborn I couldn't get anything done because I was so tired. Now that the baby is older I still can't get anything done because she won't let me.
I have to steal 10 minutes here or there just to load/unload the dishwasher, make dinner, wash bottles, clean up, take a shower, catch up on correspondence, or write this blog. Forget in depth tasks like cleaning the bathroom or loud ones like vaccuming. Her naps are so short and she requires constant attention while she's awake or I have to listen to teething induced whining and sometimes heartbreaking crying.
I've learned recently that she prefers to be upright, in a chair or exersaucer and she likes to listen to ABBA. if I do these two things together I can get a 10 minute task done while she's awake.
But this whole dance is thoroughly exhausting. Part of the exhaustion is just trying to cart a heavy baby around or hold onto a wiggly one. Often when I do get 10 minutes to myself I want to spend them doing something just for me-like reading a book with my feet propped up.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Friendship Busters and Boosters by Marla Paul
You may have read my book review for The Friendship Crisis. Below is a synopsis of the behaviors that will break down or build up a friendship from that same book. All of these work in reverse, so if a friend is exhibiting these behaviors have a heart to heart to try to get at the root, and come up with a compromise.
Busters:
1.) Serial Cancelling: If you cancel frequently you can bet you'll be taken off the invite list.
2.) Expecting an Apple to be an Orange: When you expect more from a friend than she is capable of giving, you will end up hurting yourself and alienating the friend.
3.) Jealousy: If you cannot celebrate your friends, but instead compare their accomplishments to your own shortcomings in life, the friendship will turn sour. However, if you are certain a friend is being insensitive simply address that. Try to find a middle ground where she can still talk about her achievements without making you feel like a failure.
Boosters:
1.) Pay Attention: Be aware of the significant events of a friend's life, and check in.
2.) Keep in touch, but don't keep tabs. A friendship thrives on the little details of life, don't worry about whose turn it is to call.
3.) Make plans: Find a way to squeeze in seeing your friends, make a plan, and don't break it!
4.) Cheer the victories: Find ways to celebrate your friend's life.
5.) Rain Compliments: Compliment your friend sincerely and regularly.
6.) Be there for the happy and the sad: It's smooth sailing in fair weather, but the real glue that binds is offering emotional support to a friend through a crisis. Often just being there will do.
7.) Remember Birthdays: A simple card or call is enough.
8.) If something is really important to you, say so.
9.) Give "no special reason" Gifts: It is a reminder that you think about your friend. Make sure the gift is thoughtful.
10.) Return Calls and Emails Promptly: Not hard to do, but we are all guilty of neglect sometimes. If you've ever been on the not-receiving end of an un-returned call or email you know how you can worry and think maybe it was something you did or didn't do.
11.) Make Peace with Imperfection: Accept your friend's faults and work around them.
12.) Roll up your Sleeves: In a crisis don't just offer help, see a need and do something.
13.) Practice Artful Listening: Listen, don't offer advice. Often a friend just needs to vent, or know that someone else has been there. Comment with a "yeah, it's hard," or "I understand."
While it's never too late to be the friend you'd like to be, sometimes it is too late to save a friendship. If there are too many past hurts, or one really big one that one of you can't move past, it may be time to let go. But is is always worthwhile to talk to a friend before you decide to sever ties. Sometimes you can salvage a little something that wasn't the friendship the two of you once had, but is a new friendship that works for both of you. Friendship is a two way street. There is no room for score keeping.
Busters:
1.) Serial Cancelling: If you cancel frequently you can bet you'll be taken off the invite list.
2.) Expecting an Apple to be an Orange: When you expect more from a friend than she is capable of giving, you will end up hurting yourself and alienating the friend.
3.) Jealousy: If you cannot celebrate your friends, but instead compare their accomplishments to your own shortcomings in life, the friendship will turn sour. However, if you are certain a friend is being insensitive simply address that. Try to find a middle ground where she can still talk about her achievements without making you feel like a failure.
Boosters:
1.) Pay Attention: Be aware of the significant events of a friend's life, and check in.
2.) Keep in touch, but don't keep tabs. A friendship thrives on the little details of life, don't worry about whose turn it is to call.
3.) Make plans: Find a way to squeeze in seeing your friends, make a plan, and don't break it!
4.) Cheer the victories: Find ways to celebrate your friend's life.
5.) Rain Compliments: Compliment your friend sincerely and regularly.
6.) Be there for the happy and the sad: It's smooth sailing in fair weather, but the real glue that binds is offering emotional support to a friend through a crisis. Often just being there will do.
7.) Remember Birthdays: A simple card or call is enough.
8.) If something is really important to you, say so.
9.) Give "no special reason" Gifts: It is a reminder that you think about your friend. Make sure the gift is thoughtful.
10.) Return Calls and Emails Promptly: Not hard to do, but we are all guilty of neglect sometimes. If you've ever been on the not-receiving end of an un-returned call or email you know how you can worry and think maybe it was something you did or didn't do.
11.) Make Peace with Imperfection: Accept your friend's faults and work around them.
12.) Roll up your Sleeves: In a crisis don't just offer help, see a need and do something.
13.) Practice Artful Listening: Listen, don't offer advice. Often a friend just needs to vent, or know that someone else has been there. Comment with a "yeah, it's hard," or "I understand."
While it's never too late to be the friend you'd like to be, sometimes it is too late to save a friendship. If there are too many past hurts, or one really big one that one of you can't move past, it may be time to let go. But is is always worthwhile to talk to a friend before you decide to sever ties. Sometimes you can salvage a little something that wasn't the friendship the two of you once had, but is a new friendship that works for both of you. Friendship is a two way street. There is no room for score keeping.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Time to Baby Proof Already!?!
Almost 6 months old, and she's already figured out how to roll her way around. She's pushing up on her arms almost onto her knees and almost sitting on her own. She can somehow push herself backwards and in circles till she is off her play mat. I can tell when this happens because she usually cries about it. Since she's getting bigger and able to do more things, we moved her mattress to its lowest level, only to reveal the outlet in the wall. Crap! Now I've got to go buy outlet plugs. And rearrange her room, because that is the outlet that the wall switch by her door controls.
And we have to rearrange the living room, or make the dining room her play area. We have dangerous railing by our stairs. It is rickety and its design has huge gaps, big enough for a baby to roll under or through. So just blocking off the stairway entrance isn't going to cut it. We have two entrances into the dangerous kitchen, and lots of things around the house I wouldn't want a baby to get into, even in her bedroom. It seems the perfect solution is to give up the dining room and make that her play area. Then all I have to do is plug off those outlets and block those entrances.
I was pretty certain we'd not be living in this house by the time she was mobile. Now I have no idea how much longer we'll be living here so it's baby proofing time. Right now it's just the minimum, outlet plugs and removal of long cords, and baby gates. Eventually she'll be walking and I'll have to revisit the baby proofing to include safety handles on door knobs, drawer and cabinet locks, toilet locks, and I'm sure a whole slew of things I never thought about.
And we have to rearrange the living room, or make the dining room her play area. We have dangerous railing by our stairs. It is rickety and its design has huge gaps, big enough for a baby to roll under or through. So just blocking off the stairway entrance isn't going to cut it. We have two entrances into the dangerous kitchen, and lots of things around the house I wouldn't want a baby to get into, even in her bedroom. It seems the perfect solution is to give up the dining room and make that her play area. Then all I have to do is plug off those outlets and block those entrances.
I was pretty certain we'd not be living in this house by the time she was mobile. Now I have no idea how much longer we'll be living here so it's baby proofing time. Right now it's just the minimum, outlet plugs and removal of long cords, and baby gates. Eventually she'll be walking and I'll have to revisit the baby proofing to include safety handles on door knobs, drawer and cabinet locks, toilet locks, and I'm sure a whole slew of things I never thought about.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Reusable Wipes?
I had cloth baby wipes on my registry. No one decided to make this purchase, and I started rethinking having to rinse out poopy wipes. I've never been in the habit of wiping after a pee diaper. But with the whole yeast rash episode, I changed my ways. Now we go through an amazing amount of wipes in a day/week/month. Recently a few wipes made their way into my laundry. They survived a wash and dry and actually came out more cloth-like. I believe it was the generic Kroger brand super sensitive. Also, in previous times a few poopy wipes made their way into the toilet. Since they can't be flushed (even the "flushable" ones do not degrade) I had no choice but to fish them out of the bowl and the yuck seemed to shake off quite easily.
So now my new recourse is to attempt to reuse the "disposable" wipes until they fall apart.
Part of the reason why I want to reuse wipes: Not just to "save" the environment, but because my baby has very sensitive skin. In fact she is starting to get a bit of a rash again. The four main factors this time are the laundry detergent, new "sensitive" wipes (in a solution that took forever to rinse out), back to trying solids, maybe another tooth is breaking through and we are just going to have a rash every time.
I thought I had the detergent part beat since I started using a water softener and 1/2 as much detergent. After some research, I am going to try All Free and Clear (I wish I could get the Military grade) that makes it a go for cloth. But I'd rather have her diapers fall apart down the road than deal with this rash repeatedly. As for wipes, I'm going to try Seventh Generation Wipes. We can't stop solid foods, she's going to need to eat real food sometime. And there is nothing I can do about teeth coming in, if it's the teeth.
As far as how we deal with wipes. First I rinse them out with water till most of the sudsing goes away. I could let them dry at this point. Then I make a solution of 10 parts water 2 parts Apple Cider Vinegar. I dunk and squeeze out the solution before wiping baby. I strongly feel like this was essential to her skin healing from the last rash.
So now my new recourse is to attempt to reuse the "disposable" wipes until they fall apart.
Part of the reason why I want to reuse wipes: Not just to "save" the environment, but because my baby has very sensitive skin. In fact she is starting to get a bit of a rash again. The four main factors this time are the laundry detergent, new "sensitive" wipes (in a solution that took forever to rinse out), back to trying solids, maybe another tooth is breaking through and we are just going to have a rash every time.
I thought I had the detergent part beat since I started using a water softener and 1/2 as much detergent. After some research, I am going to try All Free and Clear (I wish I could get the Military grade) that makes it a go for cloth. But I'd rather have her diapers fall apart down the road than deal with this rash repeatedly. As for wipes, I'm going to try Seventh Generation Wipes. We can't stop solid foods, she's going to need to eat real food sometime. And there is nothing I can do about teeth coming in, if it's the teeth.
As far as how we deal with wipes. First I rinse them out with water till most of the sudsing goes away. I could let them dry at this point. Then I make a solution of 10 parts water 2 parts Apple Cider Vinegar. I dunk and squeeze out the solution before wiping baby. I strongly feel like this was essential to her skin healing from the last rash.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Losing The Baby Weight, Part 1, 0-6 months Postpartum
6 years ago, at age 28, I lost enough weight that I weighed less than
I have since 7th grade. I felt good about myself and was more
physically active because it was easier to move. At that time I was
eating a mostly grain-free, sugar-free diet. And yet, even with a
restricted diet, calorie restriction, and regular exercise, I was never
able to get slimmer than 191 lbs.
After 2 years of being able to maintain my weight loss, I began slowly putting the weight back on. It seemed like no matter what I tried the scale kept going up. Finally at the beginning of 2011, at around 250 lbs, I had to do something. I managed to lose 17 lbs, at the rate of 1 lb per week, and then I got pregnant. I gained 60 lbs during pregnancy, but lost 20 with the birth. Then PPD hit, and I went on Zoloft. I gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks! My hypertension returned. In the several weeks following I slowly lowered my average daily calorie intake to 2,250 and started exercising moderately, I didn't lose any weight, I actually gained a little more.
I decided to get off Zoloft. The only real cure for high blood pressure is weight loss, and this was just not possible on Zoloft. It also was not the magic pill I was hoping it would be. Honestly, for anxiety I prefer SAM-e, and it has the added benefit of supporting my joints. I'll never really know if the Zoloft helped that much, if it was time, or fish oil, or forcing myself to get active again and eat better. To be honest it was the Zoloft that was making me too tired to exercise, and want to eat so badly.
But even once I got off of Zoloft I still couldn't lose any weight. Until the week I ran out of Oatmeal. For years I've known that gluten causes me to bloat, probably a histamine reaction. This does two things, my joints ache all over making it painful to move, and I want to eat more and more gluten-a common reaction to a food allergy. I've suspected Oatmeal did the same thing, yes, even gluten free oatmeal. Well I was right. I lost 8 lbs that week, and another 1.5 lbs the week following.
My first goal is to get back to the weight I was when I left the hospital the second time. I am 1.5 lbs away from that goal. My second goal is to get back to the weight I was before I became pregnant.
Since I have long studied weight loss I know the two biggest misconceptions about weight loss and I will share them with you. Exercise does not help you lose weight. It actually makes you hungrier. But exercise is important to be healthy and strong. Secondly, it's not how much you eat, it's what you eat and how often. Since fat stores get used when we go for long periods without an insulin response, you will lose weight going for long stretches without eating (like at night when you sleep) or if you eat foods that don't spike insulin such as protein and non-starchy vegetables. The reason why calorie restriction works is because it keeps you from eating too much of the foods that keep you from losing weight. You can read all about this in Gary Taubes Why We Get Fat.
After 2 years of being able to maintain my weight loss, I began slowly putting the weight back on. It seemed like no matter what I tried the scale kept going up. Finally at the beginning of 2011, at around 250 lbs, I had to do something. I managed to lose 17 lbs, at the rate of 1 lb per week, and then I got pregnant. I gained 60 lbs during pregnancy, but lost 20 with the birth. Then PPD hit, and I went on Zoloft. I gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks! My hypertension returned. In the several weeks following I slowly lowered my average daily calorie intake to 2,250 and started exercising moderately, I didn't lose any weight, I actually gained a little more.
I decided to get off Zoloft. The only real cure for high blood pressure is weight loss, and this was just not possible on Zoloft. It also was not the magic pill I was hoping it would be. Honestly, for anxiety I prefer SAM-e, and it has the added benefit of supporting my joints. I'll never really know if the Zoloft helped that much, if it was time, or fish oil, or forcing myself to get active again and eat better. To be honest it was the Zoloft that was making me too tired to exercise, and want to eat so badly.
But even once I got off of Zoloft I still couldn't lose any weight. Until the week I ran out of Oatmeal. For years I've known that gluten causes me to bloat, probably a histamine reaction. This does two things, my joints ache all over making it painful to move, and I want to eat more and more gluten-a common reaction to a food allergy. I've suspected Oatmeal did the same thing, yes, even gluten free oatmeal. Well I was right. I lost 8 lbs that week, and another 1.5 lbs the week following.
My first goal is to get back to the weight I was when I left the hospital the second time. I am 1.5 lbs away from that goal. My second goal is to get back to the weight I was before I became pregnant.
Since I have long studied weight loss I know the two biggest misconceptions about weight loss and I will share them with you. Exercise does not help you lose weight. It actually makes you hungrier. But exercise is important to be healthy and strong. Secondly, it's not how much you eat, it's what you eat and how often. Since fat stores get used when we go for long periods without an insulin response, you will lose weight going for long stretches without eating (like at night when you sleep) or if you eat foods that don't spike insulin such as protein and non-starchy vegetables. The reason why calorie restriction works is because it keeps you from eating too much of the foods that keep you from losing weight. You can read all about this in Gary Taubes Why We Get Fat.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Big and Tall Store For Babies
My baby was born at the top of the height percentile. And now she's off the charts. Couple that with the bulk of reusable diapers and I can't get all-in-one outfits that are long enough. She was wearing 6 mo. at 3 months, 9 mo. at 4 1/2 months, and now 12 mo. outfits at 6. I had joked months ago that at some point she was going to catch up to her cousin (the source of all our hand-me-downs), who is 13 months older. That day may be coming sooner rather than later. At this rate they'll catch up when my baby is 13 months old. That's only 7 more months of hand-me-downs.
I'm sure plenty of mothers have questioned the sizing of infant/baby/toddler outfits. I have a variety of brands in the "12 mo." size that to me look like they vary from actually fitting a 3 mo. old, to a traditional 12 mo. old. Why don't they just size it by height. I could walk in to any store and just buy the outfits that would fit my tall baby by her height. Instead I go with a measuring tape in my purse and I measure from collar to crotch. Often, the length is right, but her body is swimming in the ill-fitting outfits. And the arms and legs are too short. What short limb, long torso, stout babies are these outfits being made for?
Pants and T-Shirts would be great. But she's still so little and rolling around, not yet crawling, and I don't want her belly exposed all the time. Plus the nuisance of taking off and putting back on a pair of pants at every diaper change is too much, especially when I'm trying to prevent her from waking. For all these reasons, I love the all-in-one outfits that snap at the bottom. She's only 6 months old after all, I don't need to dress her like a little adult.
I'm sure plenty of mothers have questioned the sizing of infant/baby/toddler outfits. I have a variety of brands in the "12 mo." size that to me look like they vary from actually fitting a 3 mo. old, to a traditional 12 mo. old. Why don't they just size it by height. I could walk in to any store and just buy the outfits that would fit my tall baby by her height. Instead I go with a measuring tape in my purse and I measure from collar to crotch. Often, the length is right, but her body is swimming in the ill-fitting outfits. And the arms and legs are too short. What short limb, long torso, stout babies are these outfits being made for?
Pants and T-Shirts would be great. But she's still so little and rolling around, not yet crawling, and I don't want her belly exposed all the time. Plus the nuisance of taking off and putting back on a pair of pants at every diaper change is too much, especially when I'm trying to prevent her from waking. For all these reasons, I love the all-in-one outfits that snap at the bottom. She's only 6 months old after all, I don't need to dress her like a little adult.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Book Review: The Friendship Crisis by Marla Paul
This book is quite obviously written for women, but I wouldn't discourage men from reading. A parent or spouse dies, divorce, getting married or re-married, your spouses don't get along, having a baby, your kids don't get along, your kids who were friends are grown and on their own, you move, change, lose or quit careers, all these and more are reasons why friends drift, fall by the wayside, or just disappear. Marla Paul writes about how we can possibly prevent friendships from flailing during these changes, why we should let some of them go, and gives us resources on how to find and make new friends, Paul includes identifying and working through the potential "roadblocks" and pitfalls that can occur when making new friends. Using specific examples from women she knows, researched or who have written on the topic, Paul tries to cover the gamut of troubles to perhaps enlighten us on our own friendship foibles.
It's hard finding and making friends. When I was younger I used to say the only way to make friends is through school, work, or other friends. As we get older it gets even harder. Our time is more valuable, we are not any busier, just with what we perceive to be more important, and we require more sleep. We have learned who we are and no longer find superficial friendships to be easy. We want friends who share our values, and often reflect our own lifestyle. We need to be able to respect friends opinions and actions. The same is true in reverse.
Now that I have a baby it is much more difficult to see my friends as often as I would like, or meet up at the same places we used to go. To go anywhere I have to pack up 2 bags plus a heavy baby and some gear. It is thoroughly exhausting to pack, load, unload, unpack, and repeat for the number of places we go. Plus, I am a slave to her needs-feeding, changing, napping. If I don't keep those needs satisfied during the day, I will have a bad night on my hands as well. This doesn't mean I don't want to see my friends or spend time, I just don't have the energy to always go to them, or the ability and desire to participate in the same activities.
I often have felt that maintaining friendships rested primarily on my shoulders. If I don't keep them up, they don't keep up. So in addition to feeling exhausted, isolated, and out-of-it, I'm also dealing with a bit of resentment for being so expendable, or for not being worth the effort from these friends. In the past, I have felt like several of these same friends were guilty of not respecting my time, career choices, or lifestyle. It is disrespectful to think that your time is more valuable.
Marla Paul's solution, get different friends. Ones that reflect my new lifestyle and understand the demands of, or at least respect, being a stay-at-home parent. But that doesn't mean I have to discontinue my old friendships. Paul suggests being honest and straight forward with friends. It might surprise me to know that these friends are willing to change the dynamics of our relationship to stay together. Whether that means seeing each other less often, only in certain circumstances, or relegating to social gathering friendships, we can still be friends without the resentment that occurs when you just let a friendship wither and die. Sometimes that happens too, but I don't have to feel bad. I can appreciate the friendship for what it was worth and move on.
It's hard finding and making friends. When I was younger I used to say the only way to make friends is through school, work, or other friends. As we get older it gets even harder. Our time is more valuable, we are not any busier, just with what we perceive to be more important, and we require more sleep. We have learned who we are and no longer find superficial friendships to be easy. We want friends who share our values, and often reflect our own lifestyle. We need to be able to respect friends opinions and actions. The same is true in reverse.
Now that I have a baby it is much more difficult to see my friends as often as I would like, or meet up at the same places we used to go. To go anywhere I have to pack up 2 bags plus a heavy baby and some gear. It is thoroughly exhausting to pack, load, unload, unpack, and repeat for the number of places we go. Plus, I am a slave to her needs-feeding, changing, napping. If I don't keep those needs satisfied during the day, I will have a bad night on my hands as well. This doesn't mean I don't want to see my friends or spend time, I just don't have the energy to always go to them, or the ability and desire to participate in the same activities.
I often have felt that maintaining friendships rested primarily on my shoulders. If I don't keep them up, they don't keep up. So in addition to feeling exhausted, isolated, and out-of-it, I'm also dealing with a bit of resentment for being so expendable, or for not being worth the effort from these friends. In the past, I have felt like several of these same friends were guilty of not respecting my time, career choices, or lifestyle. It is disrespectful to think that your time is more valuable.
Marla Paul's solution, get different friends. Ones that reflect my new lifestyle and understand the demands of, or at least respect, being a stay-at-home parent. But that doesn't mean I have to discontinue my old friendships. Paul suggests being honest and straight forward with friends. It might surprise me to know that these friends are willing to change the dynamics of our relationship to stay together. Whether that means seeing each other less often, only in certain circumstances, or relegating to social gathering friendships, we can still be friends without the resentment that occurs when you just let a friendship wither and die. Sometimes that happens too, but I don't have to feel bad. I can appreciate the friendship for what it was worth and move on.
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