How long before my wedding ring fits again? And other marriage musings.

5 months postpartum and my ring still doesn't fit.

I know when I was this weight during my pregnancy I still had my ring on, so why won't it fit now? Simple answer, My body has changed. Read Gary Taubes book Why We Get Fat and you'll understand how our hormones, largely determined by our genetic makeup determines where on our body we store fat. It's the reason why some of us are Apples and others are Pears. But pregnancy is a whole new can of hormones and maybe we gain weight in new places now, oh joy. More on that topic another time.

My wedding ring means something to me. It is a connection to my commitment to my husband and a large symbol to the world that I am married. It is the only symbol I bought into in regards to getting married. That, and a hotel room for our wedding night.

If you haven't yet figured out that a new baby puts a huge strain on your relationship, you probably will soon. Pregnancy kicked my husband out of our bed and he has yet to return, sleep is too precious a commodity for both of us. And why not have separate beds? According to sleep studies 25 percent of all couples (in the study) slept in separate bedrooms for better sleep.  Although I did recently read another study that suggests men sleep better with a partner. But, what about the partner?

Probably the biggest issue with a new baby is how to take care of/raise the baby. Luckily my husband and I don't really have a problem with this. He's concerned that I'll be too protective and I'm concerned he won't be protective enough so it balances out. That, and as he puts it "I'm letting you drive on this one." So if it's a question on what to do, I get to answer. And a few of the many books I've read about parenting suggest to choose which one of you will be the caregiver and always defer to that person. This saves a lot of arguing.

But I've seen other new parents, who never really talked it out, go to battles about every little detail.  Or worse, they silently seethe (I'm guilty of this one). This can destroy a family. All that hostility spills out into every aspect of life. And before too long the love is gone. So many people who get married for love neglect to consider how good of a parent their future spouse may be, or if their parenting styles are similar. First and foremost to know prior to marriage is if your spouse even wants (seriously) children.

My husband and I got married to have children. We talked about it at great length what kind of parents we would be, how many we might want, how we would handle certain situations, but of course now we make it up as we go along.  Most of the time it works, except when it doesn't.  My biggest complaint is that I wish he would take a more active role in caring for our child, rather than being asked.  His biggest complaint is that I need to ask for what I want him to do and not just get upset with him when he doesn't do it.  It can be very frustrating.

Our baby comes first for both of us, but we are Partners. So when will the symbol of my partnership, my ring, fit? I can't wait, and that impatience reminds me of how much I love my husband.